Charles A Moser, MD, PhD and the DSM

Foreword:

At the end of the 1980’s, the nascent world of open, above ground BDSM was facing very hard times.  Pansexual BDSM groups had come aboveground shortly after the 1969 Stonewall Riots, and local groups had burgeoned in major cities during the early 1970s.  The Leathersex communities’ titleholder events had become national conventions in the 1980s, and in 1983, david stein’s iconic “Safe, Sane and Consensual” campaign had gone viral among the gay and pansexual BDSM communities. 

But as the decade drew to a close, Safe Sane and Consensual looked like a PR campaign, not reality.  The HIV/AIDS pandemic ravaged the Gay and Altsex communities, putting an end to the illusion of ‘Safe Sex”.  The American Psychiatric Association came out with the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-IV).  Although it had completed the delisting of homosexuality begun in 1974, no such revision included consensual altsex behaviors, all of which were psychopathology in the new manual.  Kink was officially not ‘sane.’  And across the Atlantic Ocean in The United Kingdom, Scotland Yard arrested several dozen Leathermen in a sting operation and charged them with assaulting their submissives.  When the Leathermen protested that the assaults were consensual behaviors, the submissives were charged as accessories in their own ‘victimization;’ English law provided no right to consent to assault.  All would eventually serve three years in prison.  American activists held their breath that judicial conservatives appointed by Ronald Regan might import this thinking to the US.  You might consent to kink behavior, but that carried no guarantee you would be protected under the law!

Charles A Moser MD, PhD, 2020 Race Bannon Advocacy Award Recipient

This article details how the contribution of one man; Charles A Moser, MD, PhD, challenged the clinical assumptions that had pathologized consensual kinky behavior for over a century before he started working to overturn them.   It is a story of the struggle to make psychiatric diagnosis abandon conventional and uncritical thinking and garden variety politics, for diagnosis based upon scientific evidence, logic, and thorough observation.  Today, the most recent revision of the psychiatric manual regards a much wider variety of sexual expression as potentially healthy than in the 1980s because of Dr Moser’s work, which first saw fruition in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuals 5th major revision in 2013, but continues as consensual kinks are delisted from the World Health Organization’s International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11) as it is individually modified and adopted by the United Nations 193 member nations.  Charles Moser, PhD, MD is not recognized for this contribution by the American Psychiatric Association, but his work established the intellectual foundation for the DSM changes and inspired and international movement that is manifesting in the ICD-11 revisions.

The Context of Challenging the DSM:

“Here we must beware the game of name-calling hidden in otherwise decent but indemonstrable concepts favored by psychoanalysis, concepts such as narcissism, deneutralized libido, and prepsychotic masquerading as normal.  None of these terms has been defined clearly enough so that observers can agree when evaluating a live person.  So I avoid them.  I can only say that, within the highly selective sample that my informants present, there is no one who is psychotic, prepsychotic, or latently psychotic by the standards that clinicians accept, for example having hallucinations, delusions, inexplicable or bizarre behavior, or major pathology of mood.  And these people, were one to try to apply character diagnosis to them, are as varied as I expect are the readers of this book.  Most of my informants are stable in employment; most are college graduates or beyond, lively in conversation, with a good sense of humor, up-to-date on politics and world events, and not more or less depressed than my social acquaintances.”  — Robert J Stoller, MD, in Pain & Passion: A Psychoanalyst Explores the World of S&M (1991) pp 19.  (The emphasis is mine, the italics, Stoller’s)

Social change is very rarely the product of any single individual.  Not Frederick Douglas, Mohandas Gandhi, nor Martin Luther, great though their individual contributions may be, accomplished their social changes in a vacuum.  So it is with de-pathologizing kinky behavior.  Robert Stoller sums up the problems of destigmatizing kink in his first chapter of his book.  Having called sadomasochism a perversion, he must claw back the impression that his study is about a bunch of crazies.  At the time of its writing, his study of the world of commercial sadomasochism was three years ahead of the first representative sample study of American sexual behavior, The National Sex and Social Life Survey, which,  to get funding through Congress during the George Herbert Walker Bush administration, pointedly declined to ask a single question about kink.  Stoller’s conclusion above presages the first such sample that did ask about kink in any Western country by 17 years.   This is the magnitude of the challenge that Charles A Moser took on when he conducted the first self-selected sample of American sadomasochists, and eventually decided to undertake a thorough criticism of the psychiatric diagnostic system as it related to consensual kink.

Charles A Moser, MD, PhD, did the research and academic writing that made diagnostic change possible.  His research on kink and his contribution of over 100 scholarly articles over 45 years, most on alternative sexualities, created an evidence-based conversation in psychiatry that coincided with the social changes that have made de-pathologizing kink an intellectually credible effort.  His bibliography can be found here: https://docx2.com/charles-moser-phd-md/  The links all avoid paywalls and I have employed them where possible so that you can read what Charles wrote.

To understand Charles intellectual contribution, it is necessary to describe the state of psychiatric thinking that prevailed at the end of the twentieth century as he began publishing his criticism.  That entails looking at the American Psychiatric Association’s thinking and practice in revising their diagnostic manuals.  In the late 1970s as psychoanalysis began to loosen its influence over American psychiatry, the American Psychiatric Association undertook its first major revision of the DSM.  Before 1980, the manual was a plagued by disagreements over construct validity and there was poor agreement among clinicians about the diagnoses as Stoller emphasized in the above quote.  The previous diagnoses might not be wrong, but neither were they agreed upon nor testable. The strength of the changes in the 1980 DSM revision is that diagnoses had greatly improved inter-rater reliability and were described in clearer symptomatic terms, albeit at somewhat decreased emphasis upon their underlying meaning and contexts.  To destigmatize them somewhat, ‘Sexual Deviations’ were re-labeled ‘paraphilias’, a Latin/Greek chimera meaning ‘unusual loves.’  In 1980, no one was complaining that consensual paraphilias such as sexual sadism, sexual masochism, transvestism, and fetishism were stigmatized but the DSM-III did respond to intense pressure mounting since the late 1950’s to stop including homosexuality as a sexual deviation because that was so highly stigmatizing and not well grounded in the best science.  That story is told in more detail here: https://elephantinthehottub.com/2017/06.  Since 1980, the American Psychiatric Association had delisted homosexuality but asserted it could feel confident in their classifications of the on the grounds that they were clearly described symptoms that could be reliably coded.   

All that was about to change in the wake of Stonewall, as kink practitioners started to come above ground.  In 1972, Pat Bond and Terry Kolb took the Till Eulenspiegel Society (TES) out of Bond’s small apartment into the basement of the first openly gay friendly church in the country, publicizing their meetings in Screw and The East Village Other, although to do so, he had to change his original name, The Masochists Liberation Front to the name of an obscure figure from German folklore in order for even the underground press to run his meeting announcements.  On the West Coast in 1974, Cynthia Slater founded the Society of Janus (SOJ) in San Francisco.  These pioneers were testing the theory that kinky folk would have enough in common regardless of their specific sexual interests that they would get together for social meetings and durable clubs could be formed.   This set the stage for Charles Moser to gather data on people practicing sadomasochism and make evidence-informed arguments about them.

Charles graduated from the University of Washington School of Social Work in 1975, just as these social kink organizations started to form.  He was aware of them because of the sexual diversity of his initial social work placement and later private practice, and he enrolled in the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS) because it was a unique and convenient place to pursue additional training in human sexuality, a much-neglected topic in post-graduate mental health training.  In 1979, Charles completed his doctoral dissertation on a sample of self-described sadomasochists for his PhD at the IASHS, in San Fransisco.  The sample for Charles study was drawn from contact magazines and from volunteers from TES and SOJ.  In 1984, with the famous sociologist of sexual communities M S Wienberg and with C J Williams, he published his first academic paper on kink in the journal Social Problems in which they noted that their sample of sadomasochists did not conform well to the medical definitions of sexual sadists and masochists.  Instead, they argued that sadomasochism consisted of dominance and submission, role play, consensuality, a sexual context, and mutual agreement by participants to call what they were doing ‘S&M’.  That paper can be found here: https://docx2.com/wp-content/uploads/The-Social-Constituents-of-Sadomasochism.pdf.  This paper was published very shortly after the gay submissive david stein coined the slogan “Safe, Sane and Consensual’ for New York City’s Gay Male S/M Activists (GMSMA) in 1983 to address widespread public concerns that kink was dangerous behavior performed by crazy people, a very legitimate reading of the prevailing psychiatric definitions.  At that time, scarcely any data had been collected about kink practitioners and there was little basis for scientifically disputing negative public perceptions or psychiatric diagnoses. 

Charles went on to publish the conclusions of the first self-selected sample studies of American kink practitioners.  Prior to his work, there was only one sociological study of members of a kinky community, by Andreas Spengler, in Germany https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF01541150 .  Charles challenged prevailing notions from Spengler’s German data that the only women who participated in kink lifestyles were sex workers, and that most of the men were gay.  And Moser’s data mirrored those of his urban sexology practice in the Bay Area in the midst of the developing HIV crisis.  Under these pressures, Charles left social work to take medical training to amplify his ability to serve a much more diverse sexual community than anyone had anticipated when he had completed grad school 8 years previously.  Having already established a practice as a sex therapist, Charles correctly foresaw that he would need all the legitimacy he could get to best serve his outsider clientele, even though he claims not to have foreseen the approaching tsunami of financial services colonization of mental health.  In 1991 Charles took the plunge into medical training.  Since his completion of his medical residency in 1994, Charles has maintained a medical practice as an internist and primary care physician in San Francisco.

As of 1997, about when I first met Charles at AASECT Charles had yet to publish on the weaknesses of the DSMs and the weaknesses in the American Psychiatric Associations case for pathologizing consensual kinks.  In his essay for a collection of the personal journeys of professional Sexologists, How I got Into Sex https://www.amazon.com/How-Got-into-Sex-Criminologists/dp/1573921157,   Charles described becoming a leading expert on sadomasochism, the Director of Research at IASHS, and had a thriving practice as an internist serving a sexually diverse community without having decided to commit his knowledge to challenging Krafft-Ebing’s orthodoxy of 115 years earlier.  Several changes mobilized him.

In 1997, NCSF was founded conjointly by the TES, SOJ, GMSMA, and the National Leather Association.  Two years later, Charles served as a consultant to NCSF.  Among its missions, NCSF sought to destigmatize consensual kink.  Charles was a natural fit with NCSF’s desire to do that using scientific argument and evidence.

In 2000, The American Psychiatric Association issued an update of their DSM-IV, the DSM -IVTR, which left most of their diagnostic categories unchanged, including those covering the paraphilias, thus dispelling hopes they would make these diagnoses less pathologizing without increased pressure from outside advocacy.

In 2001, the first representative sample studies began to emerge suggesting that many psychiatric assumptions about sexual variance were overly pathologizing kink.   Charles’ study found most kinksters were happy with their sexual interests, a finding inconsistent with the American Psychiatric Association’s stance.  Although those he studied were not sick or depraved, they constituted a sample of kinky volunteers.   Like Stoller’s informants, it was not possible to know if they were representative of the larger population of Americans engaged in kinky behaviors.   Following J Richters et al (2008) https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2008.00795.x as series of studies explicitly evaluated the mental health of kinky subjects using the Neuroticism Scale of The Big Five Personality scale.  Other studies were critical of the models pathologizing kink (Cross and Matheson (2006) to be found in https://www.amazon.com/Sadomasochism-Powerful-Pleasures-Peggy-Kleinplatz-ebook/dp/B00HRU95X4.  The first representative sample study of diverse sexual behaviors in the United States was published in 2017, but did not examine personality or mental health.

Taking over from the initial efforts of Guy Baldwin and Race Bannon, The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom had relaunched the DSM project in the late 2000s to influence the DSM review process, and in the years close to the 2013 release of DSM – 5, NCSF had talked directly with the Paraphilias Committee members about the accumulating data that the mental health of kink communities, in so far as it could be known through social surveys, looked pretty similar to that of the general population.  The Paraphilias Committee had done a thorough review of the academic literature and was well aware of these data even as the advocacy community presented them.  But so too were the Paraphilia Committee members aware of the many other social actors who presented alternate points of view that the public hoped APA would accommodate.  For all the disclosure, there is an irreducible opacity in just how much the volume of these efforts influenced the final product.  You will just have to take my word when I suggest that the tremendous body of work the Charles Moser published played a critical role in altering the context for these discussions.  But here is the evidence from Charles own writings.  Don’t take my word for it, take his!

Charles and the DSM:

The summary that follows highlights Charles Moser’s arguments against the paraphilia sections of the DSM.  In the period between the release of DSM-IVTR in 2000, and the May 2013 release of DSM – 5 publishing date, Charles wrote 16 articles on other topics, about half of which targeted problems with other sections of the manual, including those covering sexual disorders, the proposed diagnoses of hypersexuality/compulsive sexual behavior and sex addiction which eventually were not included in DSM – 5, and on gender diagnoses.     This essay focuses of the paraphilia category itself because of its centrality to the experience of all kinky people, but these other diagnostic criticisms are important to many kinksters because communities overlap, and much BDSM involves gender play.

In 2001, Charles began his direct attack on the DSM in Paraphilia: A Critique of a Confused Concept. http://tempik.webzdarma.cz/literatura/parmoser/.  In it he thoroughly deconstructed the assumptions behind the concept of paraphilia as represented in the DSM.  The core of his argument was that medicine and sexology knew so little about the etiology of heterosexual, homosexual, or variant sexual interests that there was no basis for handling these sexual interests differently in the manual.  Sexual interests were some more frequent than others, but extremely variable throughout the contemporary human population and throughout history, with no intrinsic basis for declaring some troublesome and others benign even though some more directly led to reproductive consequences. This was tacitly acknowledged by the APA when the DSM stopped pathologizing homosexuality, which had originally been classified with the perversions by Krafft-Ebing precisely because of its inevitable consequences on reproduction.  If homosexuality was no longer a disease, why then were less common or less popular sexual interests still pathologized?

Charles answered his own question by analyzing the process and dynamics of how clinicians define variant sexual interests as mental disorders.  This process relies on the subjective opinions of clinicians.  No matter how ‘scientific’ the procedure for comparing the agreement between diagnosticians might be, calling for them to make a subjective estimate of pathology that was lacking a solid basis in scientific evidence was faulty science. The current nosology reflected heterosexual bias and privileged social assumptions of normality on a conventionalist basis. 

When it came to science, the paraphilia category had no clothes.  Although back in 1980, John Money had appropriated Wilhem Stekel’s language ‘paraphilia’ or ‘strange love’, in the chimerical contraction of Latin and Greek, to rescue the diagnoses from the obvious stigma of the previous term; “sexual deviation” — the language in DSM’s I and II — the paraphilia language had become stigmatizing due to the inherent unscientific assumptions of the psychiatric profession itself! There was no good science linking the paraphilias together such that they inevitably co-occurred or profited from the same treatment, and it was unclear, when such interests were presented as ‘ego-dystonic’ or unwanted that the reasons were intrinsic to the preferences, rather than real or imagined discrimination based upon social stigma.  In fact, Moser argued, it was unclear that the sexual variations were diseases at all.  By showing that the diagnostic manual reserved to the clinicians’ subjective opinions the critical diagnostic question of whether a sexual interest was a problem, Charles had APA in a trap.  With the recognition that all such decisions were subjective in their application, they lacked a scientific basis. Yet what is the purpose of a diagnostic category if it does not reserve to the clinician the basis for conferring a diagnosis on the basis of their expert knowledge as professionals?

Charles proposed an alternative diagnosis, Sexual Interest Disorder, which had the advantages of not being biased in favor of heterosexuality, and making few unsubstantiated assumptions about content, causality, or treatment.   In 2002, in support of Richard Greene, one of the principal APA members involved in de-pathologizing homosexuality, Charles attacked APA claim that its paraphilia diagnoses were empirically based and culturally sensitive.   In fact, behaviors that the DSM-IVTR pathologized were culturally accepted in other societies and times, and, like Green’s argument about pedophilia, didn’t meet the scientific requirement for being called a mental disorder.  What APA really meant by being evidence-based was that a behavior could be coded reliably, not that it proved a disease process was present.  Worse yet, by labeling such desire the disorder, the clinician was distracted from finding the true cause of the presenting problem, which might have little to do with the paraphilic behavior.  In that way, lifestyle choices, impulse problems, relationship conflict or affect regulation were ignored as possible causes of distress in favor of the notorious symptoms.  In addition, as with pedophilia, psychiatry was encouraging confusion about the difference between criminal conduct and mental disorder.  Despite the advantages of parsimony and greatly reduced bias and stigma, the Sexual Interest Disorder saw no discussion in the DSM – 5 review process.

In 2005, Moser and Peggy Kleinplatz took the diagnostic criteria for the paraphilias and applied them to heterosexuality.  As described in the DSM, heterosexuality would be a mental disorder using these criteria.  It “1) persisted over a period of six months or more with intense sexually arousing fantasies interest or behaviors involving sex with an adult of the other sex, and 2) was acted upon with a non-consenting person or fantasies, urges or sexual behavior had caused clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.”  The authors admit that the DSM provides some differentiation for the paraphilias in that these interests are different from non-pathological uses of sexual interests and behaviors, but provides no criteria whatsoever, let alone research-based criteria for deciding which are pathological and which are not.  Moser and Kleinplatz conclude that diagnostic criteria that could pathologize everybody hardly constitute the basis for a sound diagnostic system.  https://docx2.com/wp-content/uploads/Does-heterosexuality-belong-in-the-DSM_.pdf

In 2006, Moser and Kieinplatz commandeered an entire issue of the Journal of Homosexuality No. 50 vol2/3 to assemble the best anthology of academic papers to date on BDSM and published this simultaneously as a book: SM: Powerful Pleasures.  In addition to Charles and Peggy’s own work, the volume contained excellent articles evaluating pathologizing psychological models of kink, extending the battles over the DSM to the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10) conducted by the World Health Organization (WHO).  This was covered in an article by Odd Riersøl and Svein Skeid in which the Nordic countries eventually removed the consensual paraphilias from their national diagnostic systems.  As of this writing in Spring of 2021, large portions of Western Europe have followed suit when WHO recommended removal in ICD-11 in 2017.  The volume also includes Margie Nichols excellent article on “Psychotherapeutic Issues with ‘Kinky Clients: Yours and Theirs”.

In When is an Abnormal Sexual Interest a Mental Disorder, Charles explored the cultural biases inherent in differentiation hebephilia from pedophilia using the same criticisms that he had used on the criteria for the consensual paraphilias.  Of crucial relevance is the same conundrum of post DSM-III diagnosis:  If psychiatrists can establish reliability and reproducibility of a diagnostic differentiation, but lack either a clear disease process or an effective course of treatment, does it make sense to call the behavior a mental disorder?   In fact, human desire differences are highly variable relative to our norms, our treatments, and our own personal preferences.  It is an invitation to misdiagnosis and excessive pathologizing of behavior to imply an interest is diseased when it is merely socially undesirable, or even criminal.

In 2010, Richard Krueger, a member of the American Psychiatric Association’s Paraphilias Committee auditioned the probable language the sexual sadism and sexual masochism sections of the DSM in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Also In 2010, in The Problem of Ascertainment, Charles reponded to Kruger’s proposals by extending the application of the criticism of cultural bias to the proposed language changes for DSM- 5 that would pathologize only those paraphiles whose variant interests were the source of clinically significant distress or impairment.  Citing APA’s wise decision to drop it’s ‘Ego-Dystonic Homosexuality’ diagnosis back in 1987, Moser argued that the APA had de facto created non-pathological homosexuality.   Jack Drescher had then argued that the APA would have risked cultural bias and further marginalization to claim that other marginalized groups such a as blacks or religious minorities had specific pathologies based on psychological discomfort over their race: ‘Ego dystonic race disorder, or Mormonism: ‘Ego-Dystonic Religious Disorder’!  While such discomfort surely merited clinical attention, it was not properly focused on the race or religion themselves, but the discomfort and its significance.  Calling transvestism a paraphilia because it was distressing improperly directed us to pathologize the crossdressing, rather than the source of discomfort about it.  This is stigmatizing because it led away from targeting the stigma and toward problematizing the variant sexual interest.

In 2011, Moser teamed up with A W Shindel in ‘Why are the Paraphilias Mental Disorders?’ to criticize the reasons advanced by APA for retaining the paraphilia section.  These included:

Because of a small number of serious injuries or deaths associated with the activity:

                Moser and Shindel argued that this would justify making skiing, hunting, and bicycling mental disorders.  Also, heterosexual and homosexual activities carry STI consequences for far more people but are not specifically pathologized.

To facilitate further research:

Despite the dearth of research on these topics for decades?

For those distressed by their interests or practices: 

                Other diagnoses carry these benefits without inviting the risk of error of identifying the sex practice itself as the primary cause of the clients’ concerns.

For use in forensic cases:

                This should argue for a higher, not a lower standard of scientific evidence and clinical intervention than now exists.

To differentiate extreme forms of sadism and masochism from benign or mundane forms that are part of ‘normal’ sexual expression:

                Given psychiatry’s poor history with masturbation, nymphomania, and homosexuality, why persist in this type of error?  Psychiatry lacked a track record of successfully making that differentiation.

To provide a diagnostic label for those who persist in doing these activities with non-consenting partners:

                Any sexual activity can be non-consensual.  What differentiates these nonconsensual behaviors is the lack of consent, not the variant nature of the behaviors.

Moser and Shindel concluded that the upcoming DSM – 5 should drop all the paraphilias from the forthcoming edition because of failure to meet the APA avowed commitment to make all diagnostic criteria evidence-based.

The last paper Charles published before The DSM – 5 was released in May of 2013 thoroughly deconstructed a new definition of paraphilia from Ray Blanchard and Richard Kruger that attempted to salvage the original intent of Krafft-Ebing, and later Freud, to keep the essence of what was diseased about paraphilias focused upon their defects as alternatives to coitus.  This strategy was rather anachronistic, as falling world fertility rates and advances in the effectiveness of contraception had greatly diminished the percentage of the world’s sexual acts as reproductively intended, whether they were normophilic, paraphilic, or anywhere in between.   Rather than repeat Charles arguments, suffice it to say the official final version of the paraphilia definition in the DSM – 5 showed a great deal of the Paraphilia Committees influence despite all of Moser and his colleagues sound criticisms.

Charles even managed a critical letter in Psychiatric Times co-published with Allen Frances, MD, the distinguished head of the DSM – IV revision effort who had become a critic of the DSM – 5 processes.  In it, Charles called for evidence-based utility ratings for the more outmoded and less well-researched portions of the diagnostic manual.   While Dr Frances was reserved about the feasibility and political will for such an effort, he agreed with Moser about the potential enhanced utility and validity of such an ideal manual.   Suffice it to say, with the release of the DSM – 5 in May of 2013, none of these ideas were implemented.

When Charles reviewed the newly released copy of the DSM -5, his initial analysis of the text was that his, and the criticisms of advocates and others that Zucker and First discussed in the DSM roadshow, had had little effect.  Certainly, even a casual reading of this essay provides an abundance of justification for Charles’s dissatisfaction at the impact of his work on the diagnostic process over the previous two decades.  But the new text did explicitly provide that sexual variations as described in the DSM, were not mental disorders if they were not troubling to the client and were not conducted with non-consenting partners. 

This sounds like story of futility, but Charles, who always insisted that our conclusions be evidence-based, was in for a surprise when we at NCSF documented a sharp decline in requests for our help in child custody cases as the legal system applied the implications of the new text that a kinky parent was not automatically unfit simply because they had expressed interest in or engaged in variant sexual behaviors.  It could no longer be argued they were unfit due to their kink being proof of a mental disorder! The Krueger articles in 2010 in The Archives of Sexual Behavior in which the revisions for DSM-5 were first proposed had empowered NCSF’s Incident Reporting and Review (IRR) Process to offer the articles as a resource to be used in defense to kinky people who turned to us for legal support in child custody hearings.  That flip from DSM-IVTR to the DSM – 5 text had caused a 30% decrease in child custody requests from NCSF year over year in 2010.  In addition, in all of the 51 cases in which we provided the proposed DSM paraphilia guidelines during 2011, the contested custody proceedings were dropped when we provided the proposed language changes.  And these IRR data were gathered in the 2010 -2012, the three years between the proposed text changes and the final version was published!   Last year (2020) NCSF had just 9 requests for help in child custody cases, relative to the baseline of 125 in 2008!  And that is just the tip of the iceberg in cases we know anything about because kinky defendants sought NCSF help!  The evidence is in that the changes Charles Moser and others worked to implement did have concrete and measurable reduction in discrimination against people in the kink lifestyles.

In June of 2013, hard on the heels of the American Psychiatric Association’s publishing of the fifth edition of their indispensable Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Mental Disorders, APA members Kenneth Zucker, PhD and Michael First, MD took the APA’s roadshow about the process of developing the fifth edition around to the various mental health conferences.  In June, they stopped at AASECT, and you can read my account in more detail here: https://elephantinthehottub.com/2013/07/kenneth-zucker-phd-and-michael-first-mds-dsm-5-plenary-at-aasect

In it they acknowledged the important changes in the paraphilia section of the DSM -5 and showed that that topic had received a tremendous amount of public input from clinicians, attorneys, advocates, and from altsex community members.  Despite Ken and Michael’s disclosures, the DSM process was not very transparent.  The higher levels of APA administration responsible for approval of the final wording of the manual were heavily insulated from the component content committees, and the Paraphilias Committee was not alone in having some of its work implemented and other parts altered or deleted.  Although every attempt was made By the American Psychiatric Association to put a scientific gloss on the product, the DSM was very much a political document, and this had been increasingly apparent for over 33 years of its development to that point, as the statistics upon which the diagnostic criteria were evaluated had not been released with the revisions since DSM – III in 1980.  The lack of transparency in this process makes crediting those responsible for the changes particularly difficult to identify and acknowledge.

Political though those changes were, they were the culmination of over three decades of work begun by Guy Baldwin, a clinical social worker, and Race Bannon to instigate changes in the DSM that would lead to destigmatizing kink.  That project was taken over by NCSF in 2008.  Since the publication of DSM – 5, the consensual paraphilias, have been removed from WHO’s final ICD-11 system and many countries have adopted them.  The advocacy effort which failed to remove the consensual paraphilias from the DSM between 2000 and 2020 may feel like a failure.  Most of the language is still there and the criticisms Charles was the formally make are still as valid as when he started his campaign twenty years ago.  But the greatness of his contribution is that he made them at all.  Many of the criticisms he had made in 2000 were valid when DSM-III came out in 1980 and no one had taken the professional risks to make those arguments earlier.

Since 2013 Charles has written about three articles a year including a few thorough criticisms of the many flaws in the DSM – 5 paraphilias definitions.  In the wake of the closure of the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, in 2017, Charles founded the Diverse Sexualities Research and Education Institute.  He served as an advisor to the American Psychological Associations Div 44 Consensual Non-monogamy Task force in their successful effort to create CNM Treatment Guidelines.  And he has been a key contributor to the creation of Treatment Guidelines for Kinky Clients.  He has sponsored the 2019 Multiplicity of the Erotics (MOTE) Conference, and most prestigiously, in 2021, he was given the Sexual and Gender Revolutionary Award from the University of Minnesota’s Program in Human Sexuality.

And now, he is the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom’s awardee for the 2021 Race Bannon Advocacy Award for his lifetime of achievements making the world a safer place in which to be sexually different.  Thank you, Charles, for this, and the many contributions I elided to focus on your success battling stigma in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuals of the Mental Disorders!

Afterword:

What of Safe Sane and Consensual? 

In 1991, Act Up began a dramatic confrontational protest with the National Institutes of Health, including a mass ‘Die-In’ to represent for American and the medical community the consequences of Ronald Regan’s neglect of the HIV/AIDS pandemic.   Anthony Fauci, MD brokered the effort to make the experimental drug cocktail AZT available on an emergency basis.  It eventually became the centerpiece of an effective treatment strategy that transformed AIDS from a death sentence to a chronic but manageable disease.  While the notion that sex could be genuinely safe was dispelled, the kink community became increasingly sophisticated about self-education and risk management.  In many ways, the kink communities are ahead of the general society in sexual risk education, negotiation, and management.

Charles Moser efforts undergirded the American Psychiatric Association’s and the World Health Organization’s definitions of diagnoses for alternative sexual behaviors.  Although much progress has been made, in 2021, TASHRA published results from The Kink Health Study conducted in 2016 which showed that slightly more than half of the kinksters they interviewed had failed to tell their doctors, and almost half had declined to tell their therapists about their kinks.  Three years after the DSM – 5 revision was published, fear of professional stigma still exceeded medical concerns that withholding this information might compromise he effectiveness of psychotherapy or medical treatment.  Through the Kink and Consensual Nonmonogamy Treatment Guidelines and the efforts of sexuality educators and therapist trainers, the effort to improve professional service to the kink community continues.

Since 1988 and the Operation Spanner Case, 22 US States have enacted revisions of their criminal codes that provide some role for consent in the laws covering criminal sexual behavior.  Not all of these provide any protection for consensual kink.  In May of 2021, the American Law Institute (ALI) passed revisions to Section 10 of their Model Criminal Code covering sexual assault. These revisions go a long way to providing real protections for kink ideals of consent in a wide range of kink behavior.  Although the ALI’s language is very commonly adopted by States, each State approves its own laws, and in the ensuing 5 months, no State has yet revised their laws on the basis of the ALI recommendations.  NCSF will be working hard on this advocacy effort over the next few years.  But where the ALI rules are adopted, consent will no longer be a sound suggestion that lacks any protection under the law.  You can follow and contribute to that effort on NCSFreedom.org.

© Russell J Stambaugh, September, 2021, Ann Arbor MI, All rights reserved

Touch: “A Taste of Kink”

What is Taste of Kink?  It is an educational program run twice at AASECT, Annual Conference in Minneapolis and again in Denver.  A three-hour fundraiser for AASECT, it conferred three continuing education credits (CE’s) that count towards AASECT Certification and other professional licensing requirements.  The program consisted of participants contracting to see and possibly experience a “taste” of kink activities by signing a waiver, in much the same manner that kink social group members do when they attend kink social events.  Six or seven teams of experienced kink educators  model for the trainees how to negotiate and obtain consent for a specific kink activity, as well as answering questions about the demo and their lifestyles.  At almost all of the stations, trainees had the opportunity to experience a sample version of the kink activities if they formally negotiated and agreed to do so.  Example stations included bootblacking, hot wax play, flogging, spanking, puppy play, bondage, foot worship, and violet wand play, all in the context of negotiation, rehearsing their safe words, a brief experience of the activity, and aftercare.  AASECT Certified Members served as safeties to observe the activities, answer additional questions, and support participants who might become uncomfortable with any feelings that were provoked by the sessions.

History:  The original title and design for the educational program “Taste of Kink” were Susan Wright’s work.  In the decade before the publication of the Fifty Shades novels, there was a misconception that BDSM was painful and nonconsensual. Professionals always asked: Why do people do BDSM? What does it feel like that people want to do it? To educate professionals and interested novices in the LGBTQ and allied communities, the local kink groups wanted to put on programs  that showed what BDSM was, and the idea was to provide a smorgasbord of light interactive demos that provided training on how to negotiate consent and gave a nonthreatening overview of kinky experiences.  Many kink local groups routinely program advanced demos that were perfect for their regular clientele, while a program like Taste of Kink might attract curious people to those locally produced efforts.  

In 2012, the AASECT Annual Conference team for the meeting in Austin arranged for a nonmember presenter to give an introduction to BDSM as a breakout session.  This presenter, not being familiar with AASECT CE rules and policies, decided at the last minute that her presentation would be amplified with a demo.  Despite failing to describe these plans in the conference program, she recruited a sympathetic conference goer to stage this demo, and presented it.  Her session was jammed with attendees, overfilling the space and surrounding her presentation area.  The presenter and her assistant graciously volunteered to be photographed by the numerous smart phones in attendance.  When the assistant took off her top, a Board Member in the audience left to deal with the emergency, and an intern who was helping administer session logistics retreated to the front desk to complain she was seeing violence in an AASECT conference presentation.  The presenter had not only unwittingly violated AASECT CE protocol by deviating from her program description, but she had invited people to film, and potentially to post pictures of the action on social media in ways that might have put conference attendees, who had not given consent to be photographed, at risk of problems at work or at home, let alone failing to secure AASECT’s consent to any of these missteps.  

Susan and I were involved in helping AASECT craft a positive response to this incident that minimized stigma.  Needless to say, many of the ways this particular session was done violated the kinds of contracting that are typical in many BDSM social groups.  With the exception of the Folsom Street Fair, photos are typicall and very strictly forbidden.  In many venues, smartphones are an unwelcome intrusion.  We suggested that with resources available like the AASECT AltSex Special Interest Group (AltSex SIG) and NCSF, which had access to experienced kink educators, it should not be necessary for AASECT to bring outside presenters in on this topic.  Why not use people who knew AASECT’s culture and training needs?  

Thereafter, Susan and I were in continual conversation with successive Annual Conference planning teams.  But it took several years to get a conference where we had adequate site and local educator resources available.  Because AASECT’s Code of Ethical Conduct prevents this sort of touch between AASECT members, we could not have AASECT members providing the education for each other.  Some AASECT supervisors also might have supervisory relationships with potential participants and such conduct would vilolate their supervision agreements.  Although the official policy of AASECT was supportive of BDSM education, not all members shared these open views and trainees would have realistic reasons to be concerned about what some other members might think.  And worries of this sort were a distraction from our educational objectives for such a session even if we could overcome them.  So we decided upon an initial event that required a convenient off-site location and experienced kink educators and professionally trained safeties from the AASECT AltSex Special Interest Group who were also sophisticated about BDSM practices.  Understanding AASECT’s culture and kink lifestyles, they would be in an excellent position to support any AASECT participants who might have questions or conflicts during the event. 

BDSM as Social Organization in Monterey:  In 2013, we thought we had these elements assembled in Monterey California.  We were near a very strong community in San Francisco and had a bondage B&B in the community that might provide an offsite location.  I went to Monterey for a site visit.   Sometimes my work requires sacrifices!  Unfortunately, the B&B was in a rural subdivision 40 minutes away from our conference site, and a large group of attendees could not be bussed there in a timely manner and without creating a disturbance in the neighborhood.  We dropped our plans for Taste of Kink in Monterey and did “Kink as Social Organization” instead, bringing the B&B operators, Jim Volcelka and Montaine; the head of Folsom Street Events Demetri Moshoyannis; Richard Sprott, Director of CARAS;  Anna Randall as a representative of TASHRA, Janet Hardy author of several classic books and principal of Greenery Press; and Race Bannon, founder of the Kink Aware Professionals List for a panel about organizations that serve the kink communities.  That was attended by 120 people, and was highly rated, awarded two CE’s for each attendee, and generated about $10,000.00 for AASECT

Kink as Social Organization, AASECT Annual Conference, Monterey, California
Left to Right: Russell J Stambaugh, PhD, Presenter, Jim Vocelka and Mointaine, owners of Monterey Stay and Play B&B; Anna Randall of TASHRA and CARAS, Janet Hardy, author and publisher of Greenery Press; Richard Sprott, Director of TASHRA and CARAS; Race Bannon, founder of the Kink-Aware Professionals List, Demetri Moshoyannis, Executive Director of Folsom Street Events; and (in back) Neal Cannon, PhD, Presenter.

Taste of Kink I in Minneapolis, 2016:  We finally had good offsite space and highly professional educational resources in place in Minneapolis and we ran the first Taste of Kink at club space.  We jammed 100 participants in for three hours.  The local group provided hors d’oeuvres, SportSheets provided gift bags, and 6 different stations offered tastings which were gingerly taken advantage of by a minority of participants.  The feedback we got was intense, and very positive.  It ranged from a couple of AASECT veterans who thought it was all old hat, they had seen it before in the 1970s; to participants who cried they were so overcome that AASECT had taken kink seriously enough to allow the presentation.  There were a few problems, too.  Although everyone praised the care and concern in the program design, some wanted to play but felt too inhibited because senior members were present, and they could not let themselves go in public space (which was fine in this case since “play” was not the point of the event).  However this is an issue for many professionals who can’t participate in local kinky social organizations, so it is far from unreasonable.  Also, one AASECT member saw fit to get partly naked during her tasting, which we had not seen fit to prohibit, but it raised eyebrows.  Some of the educators who modeled how to receive the activities were naked because it was consistent with how they typically play.  Overall, the safeties had little to do, of the 100 participants, many had questions, only one wanted to leave early.  But that was a logistical problem, it being dark outside and a mile walk back to the conference hotel.  This imposed an inconvenience that might dissuade uncomfortable participants from leaving if they felt they had to.  Mostly the safeties served as co-facilitators, explaining things when the educators were busy.  But this led to the objection that the safeties were too senior and so ubiquitous that they inhibited some people from tasting because of their possible power relationships with general participants.  The event was run as a fundraiser for AASECT generating about $5,000 for AASECT less the rental charges for the club.  NCSF and a private donor covered AASECT expenses for the buses.  3 AASECT CE’s were generated for most of the 100 participants.

Cap’n Dubrovnik casts his baleful presence over the ballroom immediately before the Denver Taste of Kink. We have no photos of the event consistent with the policies outlined at the end of this post. The captain lost his boat long ago, but in Denver, we were nowhere near navigable water. Of course, navigation has been surprisingly challenging for The Captain!

Taste of Kink II, Denver, 2018: On the basis of that feedback, Susan I accepted the 2018 Annual Conference team’s invitation to repeat a Taste of Kink in Denver.  Again, we had access to experienced kink educators in the local area. Susan and I thought that transportation had been a problem for anyone who might have wanted to leave early, and we addressed this by having the event at the conference hotel.  The Denver Marriott Downtown had a free ballroom well-segregated from the main AASECT event, so it would be easy for educators to off load their equipment, set up and leave without disturbing other hotel patrons with their garb or gear.  We used different people as safeties from the AltSex SIG in hopes of not only giving more SIG members a chance to contribute, but to create opportunity for participants who felt inhibited last time to taste without the same safeties on hand.  

Sportsheets Inc. graciously provided this lovely goodie bag to each participant at Taste of Kink I and II!

We invited Neil Cannon to serve as master of ceremonies because I had health difficulties one month prior to the event that might have precluded my participation.  Happily, I proved healthy enough to co-facilitate. Everyone signed the same waivers that had been used successfully at a Taste of Kink in Denver, and we devoted somewhat less time to going over them in favor of more time for attendees to experience each station.  We got some feedback that more time should have been devoted to consent discussion.  SportSheets again provided lovely gift bags (pictured below), and requested that we use their products in a demo, but we declined this request out of a desire to have the educational content free of any commercial considerations.  They independently arranged a hospitality suite which they opened after the event, but was not endorsed or monitored by the program team.  

During the 2017 Annual Conference, the Denver Marriott raised objections to the event, and it required a frenzy of last-minute negotiations with the Board and Annual Conference team to avoid a cancellation.  One of the late arising requirements was no nudity.  Susan and I took responsibility for informing the educators, who had not been told that nudity was off limits in their contracting with us prior to the event.  All the educators agreed to this revision, but some of their teammates arrived late to the orientation session which had to be repeated and one sub took her top off late in the event, so partial nudity was present in the last 10 minutes of the event in violation of our agreement with AASECT.  One trainee left early, troubled by something, but declined to discuss her concerns with the safeties, Susan, Neil or myself.  And once again, the event garnered great participant reviews, generated a potential of 360 CEs for AASECT members, and grossed $24,000 for the AASECT general fund in exchange for modest room and setup expenses.  NCSF organized the presenters with compensation for parking due to the logistical expenses of bringing their equipment, but no professional fees.

No event in Philadelphia,  2018:  The Annual Conference team was immediately enthusiastic, and plans were drawn up to present in 2018 in Philadelphia.  Ruby Bouie Johnson and Susan recruited educators who are peoples of color from Philadelphia under the same terms as in Denver, with the addition of a small stipend to be paid to each of the educators by AASECT.  In the interim, the new Board of Directors met and passed the objectionable policy against continuing education credit for educational programs that included educational touch.  The Taste of Kink producers, now including Susan, Ruby and myself were not informed of this policy until December.  We objected to changing the agreement which had worked perfectly well in previous events.  First we were told the policy was only being tentatively proposed, but that employing consensual educational touch might increase liability.  The Philadelphia educators  refused to re-negotiate their agreement with AASECT on terms that were different than the previous predominantly white educator teams in Denver and Minneapolis.  AASECT persisted in the misconception that Taste of Kink could be run with a one hour didactic presentation on consent, for which one CE would be awarded, and participants would be on their own to attend demonstrations for the latter two hours.  This led to their claim that they had not cancelled Taste of Kink and wished to proceed.  In fact, AASECT President Susan Stiritz was informed within a week of the notice  that AASECT was going to enforce its new CE policy that AASECT had thereby cancelled a Taste of Kink.  

In the midst of listserv discussions about this dispute, an AASECT member came forward in support of the Board’s decision, indicating that she had been sexually harassed at Taste of Kink and had left.  I do not know for sure that she is the same person who I knew to have left during the Denver event.  It is hardly surprising that she had not informed the event team of this event, Susan and I are aware from our 2014 Consent Violations Survey that only about a quarter of people who experience consent violations actually go to event staff with complaints, and only a minority of those who do are satisfied by the event staff’s responses.  Although Susan Stiritz seemed nonplussed when this revelation did not change NCSF’s willingness to renegotiate the design of Taste of Kink, it hardly constituted a basis for so doing.  Taste of Kink already had language in its waiver that was more strict than the general AASECT behavioral guidelines routinely included in AASECT Conference Program.  We did not have then, and do not have now, any evidence that this incident had anything to do with the educational touch guidelines of Taste of Kink, nor were we informed of it in a manner that would have enabled us to address it during the event itself.  This does not mean that we do not take it seriously, but that is not a matter of educational policy or even event design.

Given that AASECT may well be correct in refusing to grant CE for some programs employing consensual educational touch, it is worth considering why Susan and I used it in Taste of Kink.

Certainly, the perceived demand for such a program among AASECT trainees was part of our motivation, and Susan’s success running a Taste of Kink for non-kinky audiences was the starting point for our design.  But several other design considerations were even more important.

Intended Audiences:

Our target audiences were primarily AASECT members who were not already members of existing kinky communities, for whom the activities were already likely to be well understood and familiar.   We were especially interested in programming for people who would not have the nerve to go to a kink social club or national event because of issues of professionalism, personal safety and community reputation.  Here was a safe place where such material could be encountered without the risks of encountering embarrassed friends, colleagues or clients.   A secondary population was AASECT AltSex Special Interest Group who did not need instruction in basic kink activities, but who wanted to be able to use their expertise to educate and support AASECT members who are not so sophisticated about the content.

Design Objectives:

First, although seeing actual kink behavior was a popular draw, in the days of PornHub and a host of on-line video educational programs, neither Susan nor I thought that merely showing behaviors that kinky people do was a sufficient design objective.  Some kink behaviors were too upsetting and extreme to demonstrate.  Others were too complicated and lengthy to do in the time allotted.  And while the opportunity to question BDSM lifestyle participants was a definite objective of Taste of Kink that was well met by the actual design, it was easy for AASECT trainees to get such a training experience at other places.  

Second, the educational touch had to occur in the realistic context of consent, negotiation, play and aftercare that characterizes play between casual friends and strangers at kink clubs.  This modeled consent in an interactive setting and de-sensationalized aspects of play.  In a situation in which privileged professionals get to view the behavior of marginalized subcultural denizens, there is plenty of opportunity for further marginalizing of the educators.  The design we created discourages objectification and promotes curiosity, empathy and equality.

Third, in so far as curious and excited AASECT participants experienced apprehension and caution about playing, they were in an excellent position to empathize with clients and their own students, who experienced kink negotiation in much the same way.  It is partly for this reason that we have been little persuaded that it is improper for AASECT members to do this in front of one another despite obvious status and power differences within the AASECT community.  This condition is characteristic of kink communities too, and drives home a seriousness and vulnerability that is very characteristic of kink consent.

Fourth, by providing light activities that feel differently than they look, people are able to recognize that their assumptions about kink might not be right, and that kink is often theatrical and psychological, not just a matter of technique, costume or equipment.  Challenging assumptions is in and of itself destigmatizing.

And fifth, we felt that AASECT fully accrediting this event (and later, having it in their own space, rather than off-site) was destigmatizing of touch, kink, sex, and the process of educating about it, one of NCSF existential goals. 

It is, I think, obvious from the statement of these positives not only why we are adamantly opposed to AASECT’s stigmatizing CE policy, but also why we do not think that a one hour consent lecture and freedom to roam a bunch of kinky demonstrations is an acceptable substitute design.  And frankly, believing that, we think very little of any AASECT official who would propose this.  AASECT is here to amplify our abilities as educators, not diminish them.

All of this is not to suggest that Taste of Kink is already in a perfect state, and requires no improvements.  We still wish that a safer place for demonstrations could be provided where people who were uncomfortable playing under the gaze of others could be accommodated.  We still have yet to run a Taste of Kink that was fully diverse with respect to race.  Frankly there are important but secondary reasons to defend nudity in these events.  Nudity is about vulnerability for kink participants and AASECT trainees alike, and makes the consent context more realistic, even when AASECT participants cannot get naked themselves.  Because participants might be triggered, it is necessary that they be allowed to leave without sacrificing their CEs, lest they feel excessively compelled to stay.  While only two or three people seem to have left two events serving over 220 people, it is objectionable to offer credit for a program that is not fully attended.  This is a genuine requirement of CE reciprocity with APA and other professional bodies.  Barring 220 people from profiting from a program for the needs of three people is not proportionate or consistent with our educational mission.  Finally, it may not be sex positive or good advocacy, but AASECT needs to be able to fully comply with its contractual obligations to its conference hotels.  If they cannot be relied upon to permit legitimate AASECT training programs, other meeting space needs to be obtained, and the needs of the many are better served with off-site space where such trainings can be safely conducted.

Note that I have not suggested changes to discourage sexual harassment.  Taste of Kink is not, in its present form, as conducive to sexual harassment even to the degree that general AASECT sessions are.  I have included the Taste of Kink waiver participants were required to sign, and ask if that isn’t more of a guarantee than most AASECT programs offer?  It is important to recognize that behavior defined as harassment occurs in a larger social context, is already regarded as personal deviance, and one or even more episodes of it do not inherently reflect a defect in organizational culture or in specific program design.  Taste of Kink did not provide any way for AASECT Members to taste kink with one another.  So it is a misunderstanding of the program design and execution to suggest the harassment was a likely product of the design.

I belabor this at length for two very serious reasons.  In the wake of AASECT November 2018 Board meeting, AASECT has instituted policies that are damaging not just to BDSM education, but to all activities that involve touch, including Tantra, massage, sex work, erotica, live clinical demonstrations and other potentially safe and valuable learning experiences for professionals who society legitimately expects to be experienced, sophisticated and tolerant of diverse personal expression.  If AASECT is not promising that, what exactly are we offering the public?   The AASECT policy marginalizes much more than kink.  Secondly, AASECT saw fit to specifically regulate, and thus chose to reinforce stigma not just about touch but about BDSM and nudity specifically.  This offers AASECT no real protection if the ban is not evidence-based, and AASECT has no such evidence.  If these things are appropriate to program objectives and those objectives are consistent with the AASECT mission, they need to be approved.  Barring any consensual behavior regardless of context is stigmatizing overreach and a retreat from full professionalism. 

I have presented Tate of Kink’s design and history in detail not to defend it.  It is fine and AASECT even still wants it.  I have fought AASECT’s policy to protect AASECT.  It turns out that from the viewpoint of professionalism, you cannot marginalize others without marginalizing yourself.  The field of sexology needs AASECT not to do that.  We at NCSF need you not to do it, too.  Think of it as flattening the curve on social stigma.

© Russell J Stambaugh, PhD, May, 2020, Ann Arbor, MI All rights reserved.

Materials below were written by Russell J Stambaugh, PhD and Susan Wright, MA. Permission is granted to use them as the starting point for the design of similar events. Please credit NCSF as these materials were derived from kink scene contracts and consent educational programs!

The Following are copies of the actual materials used for Taste of Kink II

A TASTE of KINK: Informed Consent

The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors & Therapists (AASECT) is pleased to present “A Taste of Kink.”  A Taste of Kink is a project led by AASECT’s, AltSex Special Interest Group and the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF).  The focus of a Taste of Kink is to provide several live demonstrations of kink practices related to Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism (BDSM). The demonstrations will be led by members of the local kink communities.  The demonstrations will start with the process of communication, negotiation, and contracting for consensual adult behaviors and roleplay between the demo-bottom and the demo-top.  Various BDSM equipment and techniques will be utilized and demonstrated.  Scenes will conclude with the contracted aspects of aftercare.  Some AASECT members will have the opportunity to volunteer to sample a “Taste of Kink” at the various demonstration stations.  All parts of this demonstration will be guided by BDSM community standards of being Safe, Sane & Consensual.  3 AASECT CE Credits.

TERMS OF PARTICIPATION

I hereby agree to the following terms of participation in a Taste of Kink.

  1. I attest to the fact that I am at least 21 years of age and agree to carry with me at all times, a valid driver’s license or Government issued I.D. prior to entry to the secured area of the event sponsored by AASECT to prove my age and identity.  That the name listed on my registration is my true and valid name and not an alias.
  • I understand there will be live demonstrations of BDSM.
  • I agree and attest to the fact that I find none of these subjects or activities to be offensive or objectionable to me in any matter. I understand that some people can get triggered or have negative reactions to BDSM.  I am willing to take those risks as an adult and take full responsibility to care for myself and or get support as needed.
  • I am participating in A Taste of Kink voluntarily.  I willingly and with full consent waive and relinquish any claim, legal or otherwise, that I might make related to anything I might see or experience.
  • I understand and agree that no alcohol, marijuana, or any illegal or recreational drugs or substances of any kind may be brought into the event.
  • I understand that there is to be no nudity.  Genitals and breasts must be covered at all times. 
  • I understand and agree that if it appears I am noticeably affected by either alcohol or drugs, I will be denied admittance and or asked to leave by Security, the Executive Director of AASECT, an AASECT Conference Committee Member or AASECT Board Member.  I agree that their decision is final, and I agree to wave any registration fees that may be involved, and further I agree to wave any recourse against AASECT, its’ officials, and or its’ members.

  • I agree that by entering this event, I agree that there are emotional and physical risks inherent in BDSM activities and as such, I agree to hold harmless AASECT, its’ members, its’ officers, directors, conference committee members, or anyone else involved with a Taste of Kink. 

  • I understand and agree that no recording equipment is allowed in the event space.  If cell phones are brought in to the space as a matter of convenience, they must be turned off and remain concealed in purses, pockets, etc.  Should any audio/visual equipment, cameras or other recording devices (including cell phones and PDA devices) be observed in the Taste of Kink space, such equipment can be immediately confiscated, and all recorded data immediately destroyed. Any participant caught taking pictures or making audio or video recordings with any device will be required to leave immediately.  If the violation is by an AASECT member, further action may be taken that is consistent with other AASECT policies, procedure and ethical codes.   
  1. For those of you who must stay in contact with family members or babysitters, please leave word at the front desk of the hotel, and we will make every effort to reach you immediately.
  1. By signing this Agreement, I agree of my own free will to all terms of this agreement.
  1. Normal dungeon etiquette is required.  Do not interfere with a demonstration unless specifically invited to do so by the participants.  Do not touch any other person or anyone’s possessions without permission.  Please limit all conversation, comments and other noise to a minimum in the play space.  
  1. AASECT Staff and monitors must be obeyed at all times. If you become aware of a person who is breaking the rules, please notify a roving monitor or a station monitor. If you are not sure of the rules or of regular etiquette, please ask.
  1. By your entry into a Taste of Kink you acknowledge that you have read these rules and that you understand them and will abide by them. 
  1. I understand and agree that no animals are allowed inside the Taste of Kink area. 
  1. I agree that if should I violate any section of this agreement, to the extent that I would be ejected, I agree to forfeit my registration fees to AASECT without any expectation of financial reimbursement.

By my name and signature, hereby memorialized below, I swear my complete agreement and acquiescence to all terms stated above.

NAME (printed legibly): _________________________________________________________

SIGNED: _______________________________________________________________

DATE: ___________________

WITNESS: _____________________________________________________________

DATE: ____________________

Lastest revision: 06/11/2018

Outline: Introductory Speech for A Taste of Kink II

7pm – 7:15 – Mix and mingle. Attendees are arriving and wandering among the stations, talking to the demo teams

7:15 – NELLY: WELCOME & INTRODUCTIONS

Welcome to A Taste of Kink II

Recognition and gratitude for Russell

Sponsored by the AASECT Alt Sex SIG and the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom

I am Nelly Cannon, this is Susan Wright.  Russell and Susan designed this event several years ago and brought it to the AASECT annual conference in Minneapolis. 

We thank:

AASECT Board

Conference Committee

NCSF

Brian and Liz from Thunder in the Mountains.

The local demonstrators and DMs from the Denver kink community

AASECT Station Monitors

Volunteers from the Alt Sex SIG

This is fundraiser for AASECT that has raised more than $15,000.  The money will be used for…

We are getting 3 CE’s for this event.

Brief introduction to play…

The structure of a scene is as follows:

Consent

Contracting/negotiating

Safewords

Play

Aftercare

Tonight’s event will follow this same structure, and to begin, we will all make sure we understand what we are consenting to, and we will contract together. Then I will turn you over to Susan who will explain the mechanics of negotiation, play and the demos. When the demos are over, or you are ready to leave, you will rate the event, sign out, and collect your CE certificate. 

Housekeeping – Neil

Feel free to leave at any time, if you wish. It is our intention to create informed, ongoing consent during this event, so if you no longer wish to participate, please don’t stay.

If you are uncomfortable about anything, there are several layers of support…

Three Roving Monitors (Me, Susan and Anna).  Similar to Dungeon Monitors.

AASECT Station Monitors

Demonstration leaders, demo bottoms, and DMs from the BDSM community.

please tell me or one of the station monitors who are wearing the orange vests. These vests are very typical of a BDSM party where the DMs wear distinctive sashes so people know who they can go to for help.

Re-Introduce Susan

Susan: Consent & Negotiation

We are modeling the experience of BDSM for you in tonight’s event, so I want to make sure we’re on the same page.

Everything I’ll discuss with you about Consent and Negotiation are available on the NCSF website. Check out our Consent Statement, Power Exchange Statement, BDSM Glossary, What Professionals Need to Know about BDSM and other FAQS available on our website. We also ask you to sign up as a Kink Aware Professional, if you already haven’t done so. Please take a Got Consent? brochure from the NCSF table – it’s very useful for helping to educate people on how to negotiate and get consent.

There are a vast pool of sex educators like the good folks who have come here who are mostly volunteers who work with hundreds of BDSM groups around the country. As more people are becoming aware of BDSM and more people are accessing this education, there is more demand for it. Kink Aware Professionals are essential to our underserved population, and without a doubt, you will be seeing more opportunities for growth in the coming years in this area. 

Keep in mind tonight that consent as a professional means something different than it does in a BDSM context.

We see consent as an informed, voluntary agreement to engage in a particular BDSM activity or to enter into a BDSM, D/s or M/s relationship. Tonight we’ll be examining BDSM activities or what we commonly refer to as “scenes.” The primary points of consent are:

1. Consent is choice. If you are pressured or manipulated into doing something, you have not given consent.

2. Consent is informed. Everyone involved must know enough so that the consent is given on an informed basis.

3. Consent is not a blank check.  We all have limits whether those limits are physical, mental or emotional.

4. Consent is revocable. You can withdraw consent at any time.

5. Consent is made with a sound mind, not under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

Consent is not the absence of a “NO,” but the mutual creation of a “YES.” To come to that mutual agreement, kinky people need to negotiate. That means they have to talk about what they want and don’t want and why. As we all know, most people don’t talk about sex even with their partners.

Negotiation in a BDSM context is agreeing:

Who is going to be involved – tonight tastings only happen between demonstrates and attendees

What kind of experience is desired – the tastings are brief and mild and power exchange is limited because of that

Where it’s okay to touch and not touch  – tonight you may have an option of different areas for stimulation, including in some cases bare skin or clothed skin. Plus, please give your preference for aftercare – a rub or hug?

When a risk of injury or a health issue needs to be considered – do you suffer from dizziness? Or have a skin issue? Tell the demo top before trying the sensation.

Why you are doing this together – the goal of the scene – tonight it is educational so that you gain insight into why and how kinky people engage in these activities.

How you stop it, whether it’s a scene or a relationship – tonight Red is the safeword and yellow means to slow down – Nelly will talk more about that under the Rules

People negotiate in a variety of different ways: on the spur of the moment, extensively through emails, through in-person discussions, or as an ongoing part of their relationship.

It is impossible to eliminate entirely the risk that the activity or relationship may turn out differently than everyone involved anticipated when consent was given. In this regard, BDSM is like many other activities—team sports, sky diving, rock climbing. This evening is no different, so everyone here is charged with personal responsibility for managing your own risks.

This is exactly why we’ve developed this kind of education, because what we do entails risk. Emotionally, physically and mentally, we are impacted by exchanging power and stimulating each other in intimate and intense ways. So we each have to protect ourselves. And we have a responsibility to teach others how to protect their health and psychological well-being.

Nelly: Rules

Our contract together tonight includes rules about how we demonstrate things here.  Some are supplied because we are an AASECT event, but most are etiquette that BDSM social groups observe when they play together.  They are a condition of everyone’s participation here, and I welcome any questions now before I ask everyone to commit to them.

Let’s start with a principle before we get to the rules.  For many people in the BDSM community, dungeon space like this is sacred.  There are rules, rituals, protocols and a spirit that runs deep in the veins of some folks.  We ask you please to be in this space with that in mind.

As for the rules, there are several and they are important so that everyone has a positive experience.  The rules are in place for your emotional and physical safety.  They are also in place to expose you to the sorts of rules your clients might encounter if they were in a dungeon.

1.         The doors will close prior to the event and nobody will be allowed entry after that point

2.         Attendees can leave at any time.  If you need to leave to use the restroom you are welcome to do that and return, however we request that you do not wander in and out any more than you absolutely have to.

3.         There is no nudity. Genitals and female breasts will be covered at all times – you may wear underwear.

4.         No touching people, or other people’s stuff without their explicit permission.

5.         Safewords are required for participation in any demo.  For tonight, everyone’s safeword is “Yellow’ and ‘Red.’  Yellow means ‘Pause and let’s discuss something.’   Red permanently stops play.  If you use your safeword, be prepared for play to stop.  It can take courage to use your safeword, not just to decline to use it.  Err on the side of safety.

6.         No loud talking laughter or distracting behavior near the demos.  It is OK to whisper and or to speak softly.

The roll of witness in the BDSM community.  Can provide energy, observation, love, support, and allowing people to be seen.

7.         No cell ringtones, no cell conversations in the demo area, and no sound recording, video recording pics or selfies. If we see a cell phone, you may be asked to leave and it is at the full discretion of the Roving Monitors.

8.         No drugs, alcohol, or intoxication.  It is inconsistent with our safety and learning agendas.

Please don’t put us in a position where we have to ask you to leave.

9.         Report any problems or issues to a Monitor immediately, or come to Susan or myself.  If something makes you uncomfortable, you are free to leave the demo or discuss it with our monitors.  Our monitors will help you process what you saw and make arrangements for you to do whatever you think best, but the responsibility to approach them is yours. 

10.       You can ask people anything, but listen respectfully, even if what they say makes you uncomfortable. 

In addition:

11. Station Monitors and the 3 Roving Monitors are AASECT volunteers.  They are akin to Dungeon Monitors.  They are here for your physical and emotional safety.  Their job is mainly just to watch, and to talk to you if something you are experiencing makes you overly uncomfortable.

12. People in this group and in the lifestyle are at various stages of ‘outness’ about their participation.  It is courteous to stick to whatever names people introduce themselves under, even if you think you know them by another one.

13. Freedom.  You are free to question and participate in the demos as time allows.  That means declining to participate, changing your mind, and using your safeword.  Try to suspend judgment of everyone, including yourself, if you have reactions you didn’t expect.  These may indicate opportunities for learning that we could give to you in no other way.

That is our contract, and unless you withdraw consent and leave the event, it will end when you leave this space.

Susan: Play and Aftercare

Attendees can choose to be bottoms to “taste” the sensation. We’ll give tastings to everyone that we can, but not everyone will get to taste everything. You don’t have to participate in the tasting of any of these sensations.

An important point of context…

I have seen people new to public dungeon space get triggered by different things.  We cannot anticipate what will trigger 125 people.  What we do know is that it helps people to remember that each scene has been enthusiastically consented to in this specific context and thoroughly negotiated by all parties involved.

The demonstrations themselves will take place simultaneously and will last for 5-10 minutes. Each will consist of:

1. Brief negotiation between the Demo Top and the demo bottom

2. Instructions on the technique being demonstrated, along with explanation of safety and the equipment being used

3. Short demonstration

4. Aftercare in which the Top and bottom connect and assess the scene

5. Then the demonstrator and bottom will take questions

6. Some “Tastings” by the attendees, which includes several basic negotiation questions along with brief Aftercare check-in

Approximately 30 minutes of tasting will take place, and then the demo teams will do another short demonstration. You can move between the demonstrations to observe and taste each sensation. Or you can observe from the seats around the edge of the room.

Now let me introduce the amazing educators from Thunder in the Mountains. Liz is the Marketing Director of Thunder and the organizer of the demo teams! Brian has been co-producing with Liz. They are available to answer any questions you have.

Our 8 stations are set up around the room where you can see demonstrations of: flogging, spanking, bondage, electrical play, wax play, bootblacking, puppy and pony play, and temporary piercing. Attendees will not be able to taste the temp piercing, but you will get to observe the demonstrations.

Our amazing Demo Teams and DMs are: (go through the final list clockwise around the room where the demo teams are waiting to get started!)

There will not be a Q & A session at the end so ask your questions to the appropriate people as you enjoy the evening. Look for those of us wearing an orange vest and ask your questions! On the NCSF table, we have flyers for a bar night happening at Trade later tonight if you’d like to enjoy a more play atmosphere.

If you would like help processing what happens at this event tomorrow, please drop by the NCSF table in the exhibit area or come to the AASECT Alt Sex SIG munch tomorrow evening at…

Now let’s get started!

7:30ish – Demos

AASECT Monitors will be each assigned a station to watch over, answer questions or get the attendee to the Roving Monitors, Susan, Nelly or Anna so they can answer their question.

Even if you have a long line of people waiting for a taste, stop every 30 minutes or so and go through your short demonstration from negotiation to play to aftercare again for the people who were at other stations and missed it the first time around.

10 pm – Demos end

10-11pm – Equipment loaded out

Kink, Sex, and Aging

Kink, Sex, and Aging:

The Who

“The things they do look awful c-c-cold. I hope I die before I get old.” Peter Townsend (1965)

This article is a brief overview of some of the ways aging interacts with being kinky. Such a summary calls for two caveats up front:
Kink is a subculture, and not just one community, but many small ones. That means that many of the strengths and problems of the general culture infiltrate kink subcultures. Social problems and prejudices from the general society do not stop at the dungeon door. Communities vary, and not all dungeons are the same.

I can’t promise you this job! You may need some preparation!

Kink is not a panacea, and where kink communities and values are potential resources, it can still be quite challenging to find and use them. Your experiences may vary from examples cited here. Just as I cannot promise that if you just want it badly enough, you can become a Cirque du Soleil acrobat, I can pretty much guarantee that you cannot do so without intention and dedication. Anecdotes presented here are not intended to norm kinky sexual experiences but to alert you to what might be possible when you set your goals. When participation in the world of kink does provide skills and advantages in dealing with the challenges of maintaining sexual satisfaction as aging advances, I do not mean to imply that the communities of alternate sexuality are the only places that such advantages can be attained.

Aging:

The model of aging implicit in this essay derives from Erik Erikson. Childhood and Society (1950) is great for further reading, although it is not about elder adjustment per se. Erikson transformed Freud’s developmental theory – think; oral, anal, phallic, and Oedipal phases — which was originally a biological theory of development, into a social theory, and then expanded it to cover the entire lifespan. For a more practical and less theoretical reading, I would also suggest Joan Price’s Naked at Our Age (2011) for a non-kinky discussion of sex and aging.

Erik Erikson, American Psychoanalyst (1902-1994)

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